You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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