I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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