im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
