We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
