Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
