Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think your dad took our porno
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
