Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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