can we get nightvision for the apartment?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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