He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
