no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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