i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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