You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
