Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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