I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
even my farts smell like vagina
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
