Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
