from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
