Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
