tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
