How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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