there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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