There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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