Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
