NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize