So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
