i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
