I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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