my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
