I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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