These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
