If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
