it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her