2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"