You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.