If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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