Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Holy shit dude........stairs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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