I'm really into asian looking animals
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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