Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
