My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
