idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize