I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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