he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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