I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
