May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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