it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
