I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
