I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
