i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
