her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
