I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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