All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
