You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
