I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
