So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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