Who wears a wallet chain?!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm too high and old for this...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
