just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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