btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
