I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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