In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
