Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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