Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
