those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
