I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
