Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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