well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Boobs speak an international language.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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