so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
